The females and males views on Blowjobs
Not much going on here - Last night, I hung out with him but nothing besides kissing happened. Tonight, I work with him then we're going hang out some more.I'm pretty bored right now so I just thought I would post these blowjob jokes that one of my friends forwarded to me.
Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
1 Comments:
Bianca, it's me, zueche, thanks a lot for responding to my post. I haven't been around for a few days so you haven't heard from me. Anyway it was nice to read your response and it's helped me a lot. Tonight I was going to go to a gay bar, I've gone into a few, but walked right out when I saw the (lack of) quality of men. They were really old so I pretended like I'd walked in by mistake. But tonight was a different story. I've been researching gay places, trying to find out which one would be a good one to get picked up in. I'm pretty decent-looking, etc., and I run five miles a day so I'd definitely attract attention - gay guys have always hit on me. Anyway, Bianca, I decided not to go and I'm not sure how committed I really am to sucking a guy off. It seemed like a good idea last week but then I started appreciating women again and thought to myself where WAS I that I actually thought I'd suck cock. But, anyway, Bianca, I almost went to this gay bar a few minutes from my place. Young guys, which is the only reason I'd go - supposedly they're beefcake types so maybe I'd be attracted to one of them, who knows. But my girlfriend's coming tomorrow and I'd feel like a complete hypocrite, going to a gay bar behind her back, then fucking her all Sunday afternoon after the Giants-Carolina game. I'll probably just read your blog and get myself off reading what you write because it's so authentic and so real and so believable and so sexy. I like this post about girls' takes on blowjobs, blowjob-jokes, etc., and I do know that girls HATE having their head pushed and their ears pulled. Bianca, I am so appreciative when a woman goes down on me. The first thing I want to do - in order to show my gratitude - is go down on her for about three hours or until she's had her seventh orgasm, whichever comes first. Thanks again for mentioning me in your blog and I hope you're having a great weekend.
-zueche
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